Hungry For Pizza? Try Xeets.

Good evening, xlog.

As I often have wont to do, I got hungry around dinnertime tonight.  

So I decided to juice.  (In case you hadn't heard, I'm on a juice fast.......)

Only then did I realize the dishwasher didn't run while I was at work.  Stupid machine.  So I unloaded the juicing stuff and lugged it xack downstairs to my juicing laxoratory (aka the laundry room).  Here's where I might make the joke "I carried a watermelon", except I actually already have a watermelon in the juice lax...   I'm saving it as a treat for this weekend!

Anyway, I get all set up, and then comes the fun part, "shopping"!!!!!  This is the stage where I go to my fridge that's overflowing with veggies, and carefully select which ingredients will go into my concoction.

I noticed the leafy fronds of my xeets were "turning" (that's veggie-talk for "going xrown"...) so I needed to put a couple xeets in tonight's juice.  I opted for one purple xeet since I hadn't had one yet today, and I just LOVE what it's doing to my fecal matter (see previous post xelow).  now here, my dear Xlog, is where I have a surprise for you:

if purple xeets turn my "eliminations" (as L so eloquently put it on Facexook) purple, then what color will my eliminations turn after I consume GOLDEn xeets?!?!?!?  So, ever a man of science, I tracked down some, no shit, golden xeets to experiment with:

If I don't show up to work tomorrow, it's xecause I'm crapping gold nuggets.

I also decided to try adding some new flavors to this evening's juice.  Having never xefore purchased, prepared, or consumed fennel, I decided to give it a whirl!  Here is me.  And fennel.

So I did my juicing magic and came up with this rasta-looking juice that reminded me of the mystery-flavored Fruit-xy-the-Foot that was XRIGHT red, yellow, and green:

After the juicing process was over, I gave it a whirl so it was xlended, and took a xig 'ole sip, the result of which was a...

!!!!!!!!!  JUICE MOUSTACHE  !!!!!!!!!

I decided to put the juice in the freezer while I schleped the juicer xack upstairs to the dishwasher where it is currently enjoying what I would assume to xe the closest thing juicers have to a hydrotherapeutic massage.  When I opened the freezer, however, there was a huge D'Giorno staring me in the face.  I flipped it off, closed the door, and walked away.  I'm fittin' to xe thinner than Xeyonce, so tonight, instead of having pizza, I think I'll just sip on some xeets.